I am a 37 year old woman who feels slightly lost in life. I’m sure a lot of people can relate. After the death of my Mother, my best friend, 12 years ago I started suffering from depression. Only in the last year has it become something much bigger than I was. I withdrew from family and friends, sabotaged relationships, began self-harming and wanted nothing more than to end my life. I do believe that the most important two words I’ve ever said was, “help me.” It was then that I became one of the lucky ones to participate in Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) to treat my major depressive disorder. This was a commitment of one hour a day, five days a week, for six weeks. I’m happy to say that at the beginning of week three a switch flipped in my life and I was a genuinely happy woman once again…but with a scrambled life.
However, in all of the events that took place from then to now have my mind a little confused. So, I’m playing the part as Reese Witherspoon in the recent movie “Wild.” She decides she needs to hike the Pacific Crest Trail (over one thousand miles) in order to find the woman she was prior to being broken. I will not be hiking anywhere – I will be doing my soul searching in a car traveling to see people that truly matter in my life. This adventure will take me through many states giving me much time to reflect and dig deep. I’m going to try to blog about my travels every day at the suggestion of a friend so I have something to reference back to.
My trip won’t begin until the second week of April, 2015. I suspect, due to being directionally challenged, that I will get lost lots of times, also I will be making frequent random stops along the way. I anticipate this being a four to five week adventure. I want to hug the ones I love, take way too many pictures, visit small coffee shops, forget past and current hurts and have long conversations with strangers. My hope is to come home remembering who I was before I got lost in the darkness.
Welcome to my beautifully scary life.
August 31, 2015
So this blog stopped being about my cross country journey quite a while ago but it seems I still have things to say. Life goes on even when the car stops moving and that’s what I continue to write about. A lot of it is about the simple, yet complex, road to love and the road of not being loved in return. I write about it because I feel it. If I feel something I have to get it out. Some is of bits of my lingering sickness or causes I believe in or books I hold close to heart.
Welcome to the continuation of my beautifully scary life…