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To The Dream That Died

The storyline began long ago — but we both have a history of not finishing what we started.

This time — I’m hoping you’ll take the chance to run your fingertips over every one of my soft pages, reading every single word — even those said in between the sweet subtext of refuge.

Because this time, for you, I’m an open book.

So Baby, if you want me — come and get me.

Come and surge through my door or show up at work because this time you know I’m ready for you. Not just for the kisses that intoxicate us like the taste of electrifying absinth, but for the way you feel when we are together.

And while I may not know all the answers, something tells me, I inspire something different in you. I am not professing to know the intricacies of your mind or heart — for one thing I’ve learned, is when you do want me to know something, I will.

And this time, I have no desire to rush you, or the endless amounts of time we could spend passionately working through the various endings to a love story, that we didn’t think we were ever going to read again.

I trust you enough to lead me.

Because however farfetched or unlikely it seems, I need to be lead at times and, for some reason, you take the reins like no one else.

That’s why this time, I’m leaving it up to you.

I think you know where I stand, and though I don’t have any conclusions about how this story will end, I do know the questions that I want to ask this time.

So, even though I want you, I’m not going to chase you.

If and when you decide that you want me, truly see what can grow in the most unlikely of places, then I trust you enough to choose the timing.

Although I can be a force to be reckoned with, I am more than that when I am with you. And at one point I quaked in that role and fought against it, but now, it’s the pleasure of my simple undoing.

It is because of my strength that I need someone — yes, I said need — it’s another thing I’ve learned this go around.

I do need someone.

I need a man, at times, to put me in my sweet place — not because I need to be told what to do, but because I need a man who is strong enough to know that I don’t really want to be so formidable.

I have lost my desire to lead.

Not that I will never take a supporting role in my own life, but I also know that I don’t need to be in the starring role to make a difference in this world.

Because one thing I’ve learned , is that I shine just as bright when I am quiet, with tears streaming paths down my soft cheeks. I don’t need to be the loudest, I can simply be myself and that is enough. And though that may change on a daily basis — some days I may still roar, on most occasions I will simply just purr.

So Baby if you want me — come and get me.

I am softness and understanding, just within your reach.
My eyes will tell you every sweet and bitter honesty — even if you don’t always wish to hear it.
Because this time, I’m not trying to be someone who I think you would want — I’m simply being myself.

While I may be filled with an endless array of contradictions, this is who I really am. And I know myself well enough to know that anyone who truly wants me will come and get me. And it won’t matter if a man knows all the answers, I am a question he can’t stop trying to figure out. What may stand in the way or how ridiculous it may all seem, won’t matter to him.

If a man wants me, he won’ let anything stand in the way.

And, maybe you don’t really want me — maybe this could all be a game, one that I simply didn’t learn my lesson from before.

Maybe it’s all about sex.

But, maybe it’s not — I wish to be judged for who I am now and not the crazy train wreck of a woman who couldn’t look herself in the mirror.

I have no choice but to trust your words and the language of your words, your eyes and your hands.

So this time, Baby, if you do want me — all you have to do is come and get me.

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