trust (noun): firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
I’ve been alive for 38 years and three days. One would think that I would know a trustworthy individual when I found one — but one would be wrong. I have this strange fascination with falling in love with the best possible traits of a man instead of what he shows me on a regular basis.
I think Elizabeth Gilbert said it best:
“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”
THIS! This right here should scream why I find all the wrong men! They aren’t good people, I just refuse to see the red flags until it’s way too damn late.
And another problem I have with trust, perhaps with myself or maybe with the random dum-dum’s I tend to flock to is that I put SOOOOO much energy into loving them and letting them go.
Again, the genius puts it perfectly here:
“And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed he was my soul mate.”
”He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over. His purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your life that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”
“But I love him.”
“So love him.”
“But I miss him.”
“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of him because then you’ll be really alone, and you are scared to death of what will happen if you’re really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using him to block that door. Let it go.
Just let it all go.”
So this makes tons of sense. Was I looking at this past relationship all wrong? Should I be thanking him for lying, cheating and being a flat out asshole? Should I praise his new found relationship? Thank him for opening my eyes to what I needed to change in my life?