Good Evening, Friends –
So, after a pretty quick eight hour drive I find myself in the comfort of home. Even though my trip up from Virginia was short – it was just long enough to send me a message. It happened like this…
As I’m traveling through Maryland I decided to give the iPod some rest and try to find some music on the radio. As I’m scanning through I heard a song that I knew but not well (and it was pretty old) so I passed it by. I skipped over a couple others and then I heard the same song again on a different station…hmm. As random as that was I thought maybe the singer passed away…? I scan through and it’s on for a third time. Now it’s just weird. Situation brushed off.
I finally got home to see the old apple tree was finally cut down and my car was mysteriously missing (Dad was up to something). So I came in the house with just my purse and my backpack leaving my luggage for later. I’m standing idle in the middle of my room wondering where to start first…and it hit me…I wanted to go for a run! I was already in yoga pants and sneakers so I changed my top and off I went. I came back after twenty minutes or so and wanted to jump in the shower where I have my OLD iPod on a docking system there so I’m never bored while showering. I turn it on and…guess what song starts playing?! Now I know I’m getting a pretty clear message (Mom???)
🎶She’ll lead you down a path
There’ll be tenderness in the air
She’ll let you come just far enough
So you know she’s really there
Then she’ll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She’s got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away🎶
It’s one hundred percent clear to me because it’s what I’ve been trying to chase down about myself since this journey began. There are many people in my life who will tell you I love too easily or I love too hard or I love all the wrong people. This is no secret. My Mama used to tell me that I wore my heart on my sleeve (hence the heart tattoo on my shoulder) and she loved that about me. She would say I was in love with love. She would also say that I trusted too easily and that I should never trust until a person validates it. I would argue that I trusted people easily until they gave me reason not to. A little tug-of-war between us!
Super long story a little longer – that was something truly weighing me down on this trip. Have/do I really love people undeserving of my love? Have/do I really trust people who I never should have given the time of day? Have I always been this blind? I do know for an absolute fact that if love does find me again that it will be a shame as they will have to pay the price of the guy who mistreated me prior to them. I’ll always be open to love…but to my world, to my soul, to my Secret Garden…I’m not sure if it’s worth the hurt.
In my eyes, I’m still very much on my journey so my blogging will continue to be unfinished. I’ll keep you updated.
Light & Love,